Apologies for my dreadful appearance, I’ve quite been through the mill today. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you! Yes, ok, perhaps one little glass to calm the nerves.

Well, firstly I was rudely awoken by the porters dropping all my fine cut glassware on the stairs whilst taking it for shipment. Their wages have been stopped until every penny is paid back but It’s not just the loss, it’s the emotional and physical stress too! I can still hear a ringing noise in my ear. Yes just there, look how pink it is. I have very delicate ears.

Well yes, maybe you can kiss it better later Randy, we’ll see.

After that, it was no wonder I couldn’t face all those tiresome boys, Johnny and Jeffrey and Jeremy. Impossible names to remember! All that undying love gets so trying. Yaaaaawn! Would you be an absolute poppet and fetch my stole from my cabin, it’s getting so terribly cold.

Thank you dear. Would you believe I nearly got married this morning? To a commoner! Some kind of butler I believe. Handsome chap, quite dashing, the sort who knows how to wave down a tram and make tea without a bag!!!! Very spirited in the bedroom!

Anyway he didn’t turn up!!!

Since I boarded I’ve had telegrams from him apologising. He says he was locked in my dressing room! But he has quite broken my heart. Feel! No, there! It’s in pieces. Nobody lets me down like that. I hate him and shall never mention his name again.

Yes I’m a terribly poor thing.

Then guess what happened??? You never will.

MY MAID WENT MAD AND TRIED TO KILL ME!

Really…!

I think she had delusions of grandeur! I mean she’d stolen this sapphire from me and was wearing it!! No idea whatsoever of her place in the world. Do you think it matches my eyes by the way?

Hahaha! You silly boy…!

She burst in where I was supposed to be getting married, luckily I must have made an impression on the registrar whilst we were waiting, because he leapt in front of the bullet and saved me or I wouldn’t be here now, telling you this.

No, no, he was quite dead! He got blood on my wedding dress.

I didn’t catch his name but well, it doesn’t really matter now!

Then. If that wasn’t bad enough I had no end of trouble getting a new maid! The company could only send a temporary one! She’s quite hopeless and can’t even run my bath properly,… better than absolutely nothing I suppose. I’ll get a proper one in New York.

Randy! You’re trying to get me tipsy! Ok, just one more glass.

I know! let’s take our minds of my awful day by playing a game…. What will the new decade bring for us?

Haha, Talking Pictures? What a whizzbang! No, I don’t think you’ll get much work darling! You can barely string a sentence together!

And what about me? Well Randy you know, despite being quite weak and defenceless, and all these awful things happening to me, it always seems to go my way in the end. After all, Papa always told me I was born lucky!

Yes, I do face it all very bravely don’t I?